Questions an Idiot Might Ask:
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train
stops. On my desk I have a work station...
--Let me get back to you
on that, wait for memo.
Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?
--Who?
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it FedUP?
--Yes, this has actually
been considered.
If they arrested the Energizer Bunny, would they charge it with battery?
--Repetitive, annoying Battery
I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
--It's true
How come you never hear about gruntled employees?
--They don't shoot enough
people.
If a tin whistle is made out of tin (and it is), then what, exactly,
is a fog horn made out of?
--Good question.
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with,
"Quit while you're ahead"?
--Keith Summerfield Adams,
III
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
--No
What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
--Clear
What WAS the best thing before sliced bread?
--Bread, they just recently
figured to slice it!
If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold
tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
--Really fucking cold
Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery
is dead?
--You're an idiot!
Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Orientals throw hamburgers?
--No. They throw stupid
americans.
Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?
--...
Why do people without a watch look at their wrist when you ask them what
time it is?
--New implanted watch
Why do you ask people who don't have a watch on what time it is?
--the implanted watch, duh
Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money
they already know you don't have?
--Rape, it's not just for
the IRS.
If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is
expanding, what is it expanding into?
--Connecticut
What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?
--Unimportant, you'd be
writhing in agony on the floor.
Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
--Names were assigned based
on genographic order during the plazeotechnic period of which the existence
of an "orange" was not plausible; a slight oversight.
When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss?? It
sounds like a near hit to me!!
--Positive thinking, ok
probably not
Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge
of everything outdoors?
--They got the last duties
assigned, they "got hosed...Davey"
When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
--Into the pencil, recycling
pencils!
Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's
not adoor?
--Can't argue with logic
like that!
Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell
him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
--He can't prove you wrong
about the stars!
If "con" is the opposite of "pro," then what is the
opposite of progress?(very funny, don't you think?)
--hahahha
Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?
--Inclusion into a greater
socio-graphic culture of acceptance.
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
--Magic
What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
--Closed windows
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and
apes?
--They didn't go to school
that day
Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate?
--Yeah, and they are really
timid too!
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
--It's against his religion